Some Christian marriages experience a high level of abuse mainly because of wrong teachings influenced by cultural ideals.
"When purpose is not known, Abuse is inevitable" - Myles Monroe.
To Avoid Abusing your spouse, it is vital to know that:
1. Your spouse is NOT your child. Your wife or husband is an independent, intelligent entity that has CHOSEN to be one with you. Your spouse's right to choice in everyday things concerning himself/herself or participate in family decision making must never be violated. Remember that even our salvation and daily submission to God, is a choice wholly left to us in Christ. God does not violate a man's free will, therefore you have no right to impose your will on your spouse physically, financially or manipulatively
3. The wife is instructed to submit to her husband reverentially and the husband is instructed to love his wife sacrificially. Both instructions are to the benefit of the individuals instructed; they are not to be enforced by the other. You cannot MAKE your husband love you sacrificially- it is his choice to obey; neither can you MAKE your wife submit to you reverentially- it is her choice to obey. You can encourage each other but It is not your job to punish your spouse into obedience.
4. Marriage is a covenant between 2 people and it is overseen by God. The only 3 individuals that should have a definite say in marital decisions and activities are: God, husband and wife. All other parties are external advocates that can only recommend blindly. They have no insight. Do not subject your spouse and marriage to the control of family and friends.
5. Your children are not tools of control. Your love or your spouse's love for the children is NOT leverage. Being a good parent does not equate to being a loving spouse. Parental duties are responsibilities to which we must give an account to God; it does not therefore entitle us to love, submission or respect. It is important to show appreciation to your wife or husband for the care shown to the children; however, if appreciation is not forthcoming, the children should never bear the brunt.
6. Conversation (like prayer) is a two way thing. It is relationship therapy. For it to work, it must be honest 'open talking' and sincere 'listening to understand'. You cannot use the silent treatment to avoid it, You cannot stifle your spouse AND You cannot mock/slander/deprive/hit them into silence. Unaired views lead to frustration and wrongly aired views lead to hurt.
The balance is honest love and a willingness to work at building a marriage where each party feels valued, loved and respected. Ephesians 5: 21-33
Follow God’s example, therefore, as dearly loved children and walk in the way of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God. Ephesians 5:1-2NIV